When equality feels unequal: A double standard in gender narratives

By Ivan Lucy

A few weeks ago, a viral TikTok video sparked a heated online debate on gender, power, and justice.

In the clip, a young woman records herself approaching a teenage boy walking home from school. With a flirtatious tone, she remarks, "Kumbe type yangu ako shule," loosely translating to "So my type is still in school," before boldly asking for his phone number.

To some viewers, the video was light-hearted content. But for many others, it struck a disturbing chord, triggering concerns about grooming and the objectification of a minor.

The backlash was swift, with a significant number of users pointing out the problematic nature of the interaction, especially considering the age disparity.

The question that lingers is this: Would the response have been the same if the roles were reversed?

Imagine a grown man recording a similar video about a schoolgirl. Society would likely not label it “content creation.” It would be called out, rightly, as inappropriate, possibly criminal.

The man would face public outrage, legal scrutiny, and even threats. And yet, when a woman is in the perpetrator’s seat, there is often a wave of dismissal or even applause masked as humor.

Double standards and the dismissal of accountability

Just because the person initiating the contact was a woman, the incident was largely dismissed, even romanticized.

This is not only a double standard but also a societal blind spot that undermines the very foundation of what we claim to fight for, which is gender equality.

We cannot continue to champion gender parity while excusing, ignoring, or even celebrating behavior in women that would be condemned in men.

The reality is that men are often treated as default perpetrators. Society has painted them as emotionally tone-deaf, morally suspect, rarely granted the benefit of the doubt, and inherently dangerous especially when it comes to interactions with women or minors.

As a result, many men now avoid situations where their actions could be misinterpreted, even when their intentions are kind.

When fear silences empathy

On Sunday, August 3, another video made rounds online. A man filmed himself walking a few meters from a girl in pain.

He was expressing a moment of helplessness. Behind him, a young girl was being attacked by ants, and he wanted to help but did not, out of fear.

"Sorry but I had to ignore her," he says. "If someone found me helping her out, they would accuse me of defilement or sexual harassment, even though my intentions were pure."

His words captured a bitter truth: that men will often choose inaction out of fear, not because they are doing wrong, but because they fear being perceived as wrong, given the disparity in how society judges them.

Equality without bias: The only way forward

As gender equality advocates, every day we strive for gender equality. But when one gender is subjected to harsher judgment while the other is consistently sheltered, then we must ask ourselves: "Is that truly equality?"

Equality should not mean protecting women at the expense of vilifying men. It means holding everyone accountable, regardless of their gender.

We should not be building a society where men begin to withdraw from situations that require empathy, assistance, or protection not out of apathy, but fear. Because in the end, we all lose. Women lose allies, children lose guardians, and humanity loses its moral compass.

And when a man speaks out about this disparity, it should not be dismissed as whining or deflection from their social responsibilities. It should be heard as a legitimate call to balance and fairness. After all, equality without equity in justice is performative at best.

Laws must be applied uniformly as we try and balance the societal expectations that govern us. And perhaps most importantly, conversations around equality must be courageous enough to address the uncomfortable narrative of why sometimes, the push for women's rights overshadows the protection of men’s dignity.

Achieving gender equality is not about choosing sides but striving to make both sides equal before men, law, and God.